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Worst movie candidate of the year

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Worst movie candidate of the year

Postby Hanuman » Thu Mar 16, 2006 7:04 pm

Ultraviolet... didn't make any sense at all. Like a music video and video game on acid.

I heard this on the way out from someone who actually enjoyed the movie....shocking, I know... I'm paraphrasing of course "Yeah, I really liked that movie. I mean, I didn't think she (Milla) looked that great in it but I would love an outfit that can change colours like that."

Stay away... far, far away!
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Postby rchaos » Thu Mar 16, 2006 9:26 pm


Three simple rules regarding Milla Jovovich movies:

1. Don't spend $$$ to see them.

2. Never admit in a public forum (such as TUC BBS) that you have actually seen, let alone paid $$$ to see a Milla movie. Treat them as 'guilty pleasures' best kept to yourself.

3. After watching a Milla movie, don't be surprised that it sucked.


The only exception to these three simple rules: Dazed and Confused.
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Postby GregS » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:00 am


You clearly haven't seen The Fifth Element or Zoolander. Okay, so maybe Zoolander is a guilty pleasure. Forget I mentioned it. The Fifth Element still kicks ass though.
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Postby Hanuman » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:23 am

Fifth Element kicks ass? Different strokes for different folks I guess. I did like Zoolander though.
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Postby Wartank » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:24 am

i'm with ya greg - fifth element might make my top 10 list of favourite movies

as for ultraviolet, i'd still be interested in it.... one of the writer/director's last movies was 'equilibrium', a very interesting and artistic (though weak to nonsensical storywise) matrix-style action flick starring christian bale. no doubt he got the role in batman due in some part to this movie.
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Postby beachbum » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:47 am

Notwithstanding that Milla Jovovich couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag, I too enjoyed The Fifth Element. I don't know what it is with Luc Besson and comely young lasses (actually, yes I do) but he seems to populate his films with them, see La Femme Nikita, a brilliant flick. Why the bloody Yanks always seem to have a need to remake well done foreign cinema in their own warped image is beyond me but I digress. I guess he had a thing for Jovovich so he cast her in The Messenger where once again her considerable acting chops were on display. Too bad because that movie, like so many, had potential but I wouldn't wipe my a... ha ha hey kids! with that piece of trash.

As for Ultraviolet, that's what you get for not knowing better. And Hollywood blames pirating for the demise of the box office?! Puh-lease.
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Postby BIG AL » Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:59 am

Speaking of the demise of the box office. I saw The Hills Have Eyes last night, it was some piece of crap not quite horror not quite action movie. I don't know why I thought it would be scary, maybe because the previews hyped it so hard. That's what I get for seeing a movie released during march break.

I saw a terrible movie at the Film Festival called Evil Aliens, it was one of the 12 o'clock showings. It was a terribly over the top excessively gory "horror" movie. It was bad but it least the producers were trying to be ridiculous and get a few laughs out of the audience on top of a shudder here and there. The Hills have Eyes was almost as ridiculous, but missed by just enough that it wasn't even funny (on top of not being scary, disturbing, thoughtful, plausible, entertaining). What a piece of sh%t!
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Postby jed » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:52 pm

I'll be brief: don't see Freedom Land.
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Postby mastahmeth » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:59 pm

I can't believe Zoolander was even mentioned in the context of bad movies.

What other movie has given the same amount of joy/frame?

No other movie.

Except maybe Bulletproof's pee scene.

I know that a lot of things are said in jest here, without any malicious intent, but some things just aren't funny (unlike Zoolander, which is both funny and amazing).

5th element was an instance of pretty, but Zoolander defined pretty. As in pretty awesome. In case I'm not being clear, I really like Zoolander.

Also, Wolf Creek was kind of disappointing for a heavily hyped horror movie, although 'Slither' looks like it will be lots of fun (check out previews at the apple quicktime trailer site).
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Postby ethan_m » Fri Mar 17, 2006 1:34 pm

Ahh Mila! Remember "Return to Blue Lagoon"? She was nominated for a Razzie award for "Wost New Star" - but lost to Vanilla Ice. . .

Speaking of worst movies . . . . Cool As Ice is a painful memory. (I admit it! I watched it on MMM on a Saturday night)

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Postby rchaos » Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:53 pm

mastahmeth wrote:
What other movie has given the same amount of joy/frame?

I'm going out on a limb here with my top 10 movies (not necessarily in order of joy/frame) that has given equal or greater amount of joy/frame than Zoolander:

1. 40 year old virgin
2. Dumb and Dumber
3. Pulp Fiction
4. Billy Madison
5. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
6. Gladiator
7. Best in Show
8. Snatch
9. The Matrix
10. The Empire Strikes Back

I'd like to also give a quick honourable mention to 'Taking Lives' frames 1:20-1:23. Although the rest of the movie was terrible, these particular 3 minutes were high on the joy/frame scale.

And 'Meet Joe Black', the frames where Brad Pitt gets smacked upside down and smashed apart by not one, but two cars speeding in opposite directions.
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Postby beachbum » Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:30 pm

My candidate for worst film I've seen this year is actually a movie that is a few years old. And, as coincidence would have it, it's based on a Luc Besson script: Taxi, starring Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah.

It was on Bell ExpressVu recently so I flipped it on to see Jennifer Esposito and to see the super models get undressed. It started off so bad that it was funny but it was soooooo bad that I couldn't stand it any longer and turned it off before the scene I was waiting for. Damn!

And speaking of Luc Besson - this guy seems to embody the extremes of both hit (La Femme Nikita, Fifth Element) and miss (The Messenger, etc.) for me - another movie that was so bad it was funny was The Transporter starring Jason Statham of Guy Ritchie movies fame. Needless to say, Transporter II was not high on my list this year.
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Postby HotSauce » Fri Mar 17, 2006 4:48 pm

This is so strange. I just saw The Transporter 2 yesterday. It was actually quite entertaining. Or maybe it was the vodka and coke. Plot holes you could drive an Audi through. It actually felt like a Jackie Chan movie.

As for Taxi, I did want to stop watching after the opening bike courier scene. But the lure of supermodels, and BAD supermodels at that, kept me tuned in. Good thing it was on a plane and I didn't pay for it.
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Postby Paper » Sun Mar 19, 2006 4:42 pm

This may be unfair because I haven't seen the entire film, but based solely on chapter 8 of the DVD, I would recommend Bride and Prejudice.

It's probably a couple of years old now, but Be Cool was terrible. Talk about the lowest joy to big name star ratio!
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Worst movie... that's easy

Postby Colleenn » Tue May 16, 2006 9:07 pm

Still in theaters... don't waste the $12 !!!
Stick it - a movie about gymnasts. Who knew you could have so much skin in a movie and it still be terrible?
Save your money and wait for Legally Blonde 3 to come out.
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Postby ms.crankypants » Thu May 18, 2006 8:54 am

Lionel - I liked the Transporter!

A question - if you can't admit you went to see a Milla Jovovich movie, can you admit to owning her CD?
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